Apollo's Rebellion

Or the question I have asked myself three times in the course of one week.

It has come that time of the year where I have to make a decision about what I want to study next year. It's a hard task, especially when you're unsure about what you're going to study. This year, I can happily admit, has been one of my most nerve-wrecking, tiring and depressing years to date. When I wasn't thinking about finals, I was thinking about University acceptance or what I was going to study and when I wasn't thinking about that, I was having a silent mental breakdown in my room.

It has always been my dream to be an author, I remember wanting to be other things, but I always settled on being an author. I always knew that if I were to write myself into a story of a far away land or something, that I could be anything that I wanted to be. But as I grew older, I knew that I couldn't just study a BA, I had to do more. This year I settled on law. But as with everything there's a catch.

I always knew that in whatever I did, I wanted to help people and it has been reinforced by the TV shows and movies I watch and in the books that I read. They're all stories about the brave heroes sacrificing what they have to save everyone else. That's why I chose law because I thought I could help people, help animals, help save the world in some small way. And then I was informed that if I wanted a job, if I wanted to actually be able to earn a decent salary that I would have to go into corporate or commercial law. Now, I have nothing against it, but looking at it, that's just not who I am. I can't see myself putting on the same type of clothes everyday, working in an office or a big name company. Suits is nice show and everything, but I can't see myself living that sort of life. My passion lies with inspiration. With inspiring people and helping them. It took me one conversation to realise that this wasn't what I wanted to do, that this will never be who I want to be. I want to study linguistics, travel the world, keep learning, publish my books and one day write screenplays. I don't want to live a confined life, working nine to five filling myself with alcohol because my life doesn't feel complete.

It took me one conversation to realise that I wanted to be the heroine of my story, just like the characters I know and love. Like Dean and Sam Winchester who constantly risk their lives to save the lives of people who they've just met, or like Katniss Everdeen who volunteered to save her sister and ended up inspiring millions, or like the Doctor with his big sad eyes and kind heart or Sherlock Holmes who could have been anything, but chose to help people. Fiction has played a huge role in shaping in me. I've grown to see that not all superheroes are created by Gamma radiation and that you don't have to be special to save lives. I owe everything that I am to the books that I've read and the movies I've watched. And I owe them more now for helping me decide that my dreams and aspirations are far greater than net worth or a name on an office door. They helped me see that there's so much more to be seen and so much more to life than success and fancy houses, I mean the Doctor basically lives in his car and he's still happy.

What I'm trying to say is that media (TV shows, books, games etc.) aren't a bad influence on people. They could actually be a force of good and help someone realise their potential. And since media has played such a positive role on me, I want to be a part of it. I really do, I don't want to be in it for the money or fame or power, I want it to help others like me. The kids who are unsure of themselves, who need reinforcement through the characters they love because there will always be those kids who feel like they don't belong when in actuality it's the people around them who have it wrong.

I may still study law, but I don't think I'll become a lawyer. Or maybe I'll study what I always wanted to study and not worry about what the future holds. I want to help care for animals and people. And most of all, I want to inspire with my words. I've finally found my purpose in life and I'm not going to let anyone stop me from achieving it.

My mouth has gone as dry as sawdust. I desperately find Cinna in the crowd and lock eyes with him. I imagine the words coming from my lips.
                                     The Hunger Games, Suzanne Collins

Aunt Em had just come out of the house to water the cabbages when she looked up and saw Dorothy running toward her.
“My darling child!” she cried, folding the little girl in her arms and covering her face with kisses. “Where in the world did you come from?”
“From the land of Oz,” said Dorothy gravely. “And here is Toto, too. And, oh, Aunt Em! I’m so glad to be home again!” 
                                          The Wizard of Oz, L Frank Baum

Writing’s inside your head! It’s thinking! It’s a constant storm of pictures and voices and sometimes, if you’re, very, very, lucky, insight.
                                         A Writer's Tale, Russell T Davies

All endings are also beginnings. We just don’t know it at the time.
                     The Five People You Meet in Heaven, Mitch Albom