Apollo's Rebellion

When I have fears that I may cease to be
Before my pen has gleaned my teeming brain
Before high piled books in charactery,
Hold like rich garners the full-ripened grain; 

When I behold, upon the night's starred face,
Huge cloudy symbols of high romance,
And think that I may never live to trace
Their shadows with the magic hand of chance; 

And when I feel, fair creature of an hour,
That I shall never look upon thee more,
Never have relish in the faery power
Of unreflecting love; - then on the shore 

Of the wide world I stand alone, and think
Till love and fame to nothingness do sink.

Ben Whishaw as John Keats in Bright Star

Fourteen lines; three quatrains and a perfect rhyming couplet. I look at this simple poem and I think how is it possible for a person who has died nearly 200 years ago to perfectly sum up how I'm feeling at this very moment? The answer, quite simply, is that although we may have been born in different eras we still face the same inner turmoil and struggle.

For a very long time I though that I was going to die young. I, like Keats, feared that I would die before I could successfully complete my novels or find someone to fall in love with. I always imagined that in my death, I would still have several uncompleted manuscripts saved on my computer never to be read. And I think that poem sums up perfectly how I felt and also shown me that our worth in this world and the impression that we leave (no matter how small) is what matters the most. I'm not going to give an academic breakdown of the poem, but I'm rather going to tell you may interpretation of it.

The first quatrain ("When I have...full ripened grain") tell of the poet's fears of his, possibly, early death and how he is scared that he may leave this world without writing everything he can and wants to. I think this is something all writers and poets think. At some point, they believe that a day may come when they have to put down the pen and take Death's hand, but at the cost of leaving works unfinished. Although, it doesn't necessarily apply to only writers, many people believe that they will leave this world with a sense of partial achievement and, to a certain degree, hollowness. It is something that plagues people's minds all the time, no matter what era you're from. We're all scared about the mark we're going to leave behind.

The next quatrain ("When I behold...hand of chance") talks about how he fears that he may never live to really feel what it's like to be truly in love. Keats, as you may know, was best known for his romantic poetry, so for someone like him to fear that he may not find love shows just how emotionally baring this poem is. He also knows that he may never see the stars and the moon, and everything that makes the night beautiful, again and that he may never get to map out the constellations. He calls them the symbols of high romance further reiterates the fact that he may never truly get to experience love in its purest form.

The third quatrain ("And when I...on the shore") he directly addresses someone maybe a possible lover. He is scared that he may never see them again and that he may not have the opportunity to ever enjoy the magic of falling impulsively in love with someone. And, to what I imagine, feel impulsive emotions and feelings ever again. I think I share my fears with Keats on this as I also fear that I may never have the chance to feel an attraction to someone straight away or to suddenly find myself attracted to someone when I never had any notion of that prior. The type feeling that just sort of hits you when you least expect it and takes over your entire brain. But it's not only love, I also fear that I may never be able to get angry at someone or just feel happy, completely ecstatic or even content because I'm very emotional and extremely passionate and to think about never having to feel these things, the things that makes you feel alive is the scariest thing in the world for me.

The final couplet ("Of the wide...nothingness do sink") is saddening, but true. What Keats is trying to say is that in the end fame and love mean nothing. It's fleeting because one day we will all cease to be and what we did will someday just fade into nothingness and we will be forgotten just like so many before us have been forgotten. It's a sort of melancholy way to end, but what I actually took out from it is that even though everything that you ever were, are and will be will one day fade to nothing doesn't mean you shouldn't make the most of it. Instead of seeking fame and pining after love, let them figure themselves out. All you have to worry about is enjoying life. Take in the night sky, remember it as it was. Feel with all your heart because one day you may never get to feel again. Embrace others, do what makes you happy. Live your life and stop worrying about what mark you're going to leave because in living your life, you're already making your mark. And I know this sounds cliche, but live life the way you want to because it'll only be you who will regret the decisions they didn't make.